New Year

I have had a sucky year in many ways, except for work and my trip to Australia. I was unable to run most of the year, and have ended the year with a house full of people instead of getting shed of some like I wanted to.

The one thing I didn't do that I really should have was be better with money, and now times are bad and my 401k has tanked. I feel so out of control in many respects that I feel like my money is just a part of that. I waffle between just telling the world to go f themselves and hide out in my own little world, and wanting to be in control of my life again.

The first thing that has to go is all of the people who stay at my house. While we were gone, I expected my 2 extras to be here. But instead, there were people who dropped by and stayed. I didn't give explicit instructions to not have others here, so I guess they just assumed a free for all. There were cigarette butts and beer cans in my yard. This has GOT to go - we are going to have a come to Jesus meeting tonight and there will be no more unauthorized children here.

The second thing that has to go is the money I spend on even the authorized children. I have been making sure that all of these kids have spending money. I don't need to be told that this is counter productive. But I hate to see someone without a penny in their pocket while everyone else goes to McDonalds or whatever. I have justified this by saying that I feed them anyway, but I have got to start buying cheap snacks and making them work a little harder to find their own money.

So this year my goal is getting my money act together, but also doing what is necessary in the rest of my life so that I am not so frazzled.

This all basically boils down to avoiding procrastination, and procrastination is my specialty. I get waaay to worked up over unpleasant tasks, to the point that it is making me miserable. I get free mental health benefits, so maybe I will go to counseling to help me set goals for paperwork and money. Unlike some changes I know I can never make, I can set up my money stuff so that the budgeting and totalling is automatic. I am 95% there, and just need to take the time to finish setting it up, do the budgeting, pay attention every damn day, and not let these heathens around here take advantage of my soft spots.

And now for something entirely different

I am going to do something that is a pet peeve, that I HATE in other people, and that I have specifically made fun of in a best friend. This is only marginally related to my trip to Australia, but I can't blog on myspace at work and I just have to say these things. This is very self-indulgent, so don't feel the need to continue, dear reader.

I am going to talk about how fat I am, and how I felt fat and hopeless when I had to put on size 6 pants yesterday - the very ones I almost didn't buy because they looked saggy. Well they don't anymore.

The combined effect of eating whatever I wanted while travelling, not running, and not lifting weights has put about 5 pounds on, but the effect is much more because what was muscle is now gooshy, lumpy fat. I just don't know if I have the emotional energy to diet around the holidays, and I am feeding so many people at my house that I am buying junk food. I manage to resist most of it, but have these stupid lapses like eating saltine crackers. YUCK. Why did I need those with soup? And I ate a cold piece of toast this morning just because Dailey made it for me.

I hate, hate, hate, this feeling. I don't want to obsess, but dammit, I am obsessing. I have been lazy and am paying the price and now I am deeply sorrowful and regretful.

More people

I am over my cold now and can write about people with a clear head. On to the next two people, those that I knew online the longest, Sam and Bec. I know you are reading this Sam but I am going to try to ignore the fact and write my impressions anyway. Why did I start doing this and feel compelled to continue? I have no idea but here goes...

Sam is almost impossible to describe. She has an external persona that is at odds with her internal capabilities and it took me awhile to try to reconcile this and readjust my thinking. On the surface she is ditzy (that is not really the right word - light hearted maybe?), impulsive and describes herself as dumb. She really is none of those things and the clash is painful. For example - she drank until she was ill, which is certainly impulsive, but then handled the entire throwing up and getting on the plane with aplomb. She says she doesn't like to travel, but manages to do more than most people ever think of doing. And she keeps an insane amount of information in her head about people and connections, but then is shy about approaching them. She was the only person to make fun of my accent, but it was not offensive. There is some real cognitive dissonance going on here.

This is my psychoanalysis of it, totally amateur: I see in Sam a trait that I have, which is a need for constant brain stimulation, and I think has driven her into her job which allows her to cram her brain full of work and internet stuff at the same time. But this drive isn't always productive - in my case it has made me despise being a manager or anything that involves lots of boring meetings - in though I could "get ahead" this way. And from what I have heard her say, she is in a job surrounded by people with much less intelligence than she has and probably is underutilizing her intellect. And so she plays into this by being silly - you have to get to know her or read her before you figure out how damned smart she is and she really doesn't want to own up to this. Then she might have to feel torn about going back to university, or looking for a more challenging job, or any of those things that may or may not be the right thing to do. So she has the Mad Cat Lady persona that conveniently describes her outer self - but it does not do justice to her complex inner life.

The weird thing is that she was agreeable and fun in every stage from stone cold sober to drunk to hungover. Never bitchy or morose - most people go through those stages at some point.

So forgive me Sam for my arm chair analysis - probably all wrong. I was very interested to see how you fit into this generally brainy crowd, and it is obvious that you are one of them too - just in disguise :)

Bec is hard because she is exactly how I pictured her, just smaller. She is a wonderful mix of practical and fun, rational and kind. She has a femininity without girliness that I would like to have, but don't ever seem to manage. And in a dress - what a knockout. She is so self-assured and together that it is hard to say anything except I enjoyed being around her immensely. Growing up in a family of engineers, I think I know one when I see one, and she definitely is one. In fact I think I automatically related to her more as I would a co-worker than as a friend, and that was a mistake on my part.

I am so glad I got to meet both Sam and Bec - it was a highlight of my trip - and hope it will not be the last time.

Next up????

People cont.

The person I was disappointed to meet was Jamie. I had emailed him before the show and he said that he would not be able to meet up ahead of time. I do understand that I was in the company of people he does not necessarily care for, but I was really excited to meet him and I felt like a fool when I introduced myself. He was not only chilly, he acted really embarrassed to be seen with me. If he said anything at all to me, it was maybe "hi". He was with other people and I expected he would at least made an attempt at an introduction - "I'd like you to meet Jami, an idiot I met on the internet" or something so it would not seem so tense. Fortunately Mel can talk to anyone and she stepped in and made small talk for a minute or two.

I really wanted to at minimum have a basic conversation and leave feeling like I could say I had a chance to meet him. Instead I left with the feeling that I had really embarrassed myself and him and I don't really know why.

Tour continued

Ok, so I am switching back and forth from myspace to blog, but I will continue here with what I started:  My honest impressions of the people I met.

I will start out with the people I was a little scared of:  Max and Jude.  Both of them are intimidating online.  

Max because she is so brutally honest - she would be the type to look at you and say things that you don't want to hear - like "you look like hell" or "get away from me, you're boring."  But in my mind she was a small person that talked mean.  In reality she is quite intimidating - a real physical presence in the way that self-assured people often are.  She has a smile that looks like trouble waiting for a place to happen.  But my impression of her is that she is not mean as much as cynical.  I am the type that sits in the back of a meeting and texts nasty comments to my friends about the incompetent speaker.  She would be the type to set them up for public humiliation while looking innocent.  I think she would be a lot of fun to hang out with if one were cool enough, hell for the pretentious, and dangerous for those whose evil twin is lurking right beneath the surface and just needs a little encouragement.  I vote her the person most likely to be able to talk me into getting a tattoo.  

Jude always scared me because of her intellect - it is sharp and she is not afraid to use it.  When she was nice online I always had the idea that she was mocking me.  And based on her going and working on her dad's farm on the weekend then doing nursing for insane working hours - something totally beyond my ability to ever do - I had a picture of her as a robust, hearty kind of woman who says it like it is and doesn't tolerate fools.  But in person she is this wonderful mix of elegant and practical - always taking care of her responsibilities first but then squeezing as much else in as is physically possible, which for her is A LOT.  She has the type of kind spirit that comes from an upper class upbringing where manners and hospitality are paramount and making others feel comfortable is second nature.  (I have no knowledge of her background so I don't know if this is true.)  I felt a real connection with her - I have this crazy desire to know how to do everything and not to waste time, and I think she has that same drive - but she handles it in a much better, non-obsessive way than I do or maybe she just hides it more thoroughly.  She does such a good job of handling all of these conflicting demands and I never saw her anything but cool and collected - not in the robust and hearty as I expected but regal and even glamorous.  Very smart people are not always easy to both like and admire but I both like her and was very impressed by her.  

That's all the blog for now - next time someone I was disappointed to meet :(

Trying to pack - agony. I planned for colder weather, and by the time I take all the warm layers off I am showing something I don't want to - either a fat roll, boobs, or arms. I will be the person in the low cut shirt wrapping a jacket around myself then taking it off again in a futile attempt to cover up and stay cool at the same time. Or tugging a garment in one direction, only to have to reverse when something else is exposed.

Why did I spend all of my time getting ready for the work part of this and not planning well enough for the fun part ???? Clearly my priorities are all wrong :)

This is the peak of the trip - I am really, really excited. Although I will still have JB and the horns to look forward to after this.

More Hobart.

Back to the story. We went back to the hotel, ate lunch at Mures, then took the bus to the Uni pub. We get there about 4:40, only 3 hours and 20 minutes until the doors open so Mel is frantic that we are behind schedule. Sound check has already started. I was thinking that there would be a coffee shop or somewhere around to go hang out - I had no idea that we were going to really just lounge outside the door and listen in. I did not like that at all and went to a nice courtyard hidden from view. I hadn't brought anything at all to do, and after a few minutes of hiding, I was ready to go find a potty and a coffee so I left. I asked a student for directions, and ended up talking to her for a long time. She was a political science major from Korea and anxious to talk about the election, and just very sweet - she talked about how kind the people in Hobart were and how good people had been to her, a stranger from another country.

I walked into Sandy Bay - quite a ways away on hills in cheap shoes - and went to a book store, found coffee, and just ambled around the lovely shopping area. I was sure that when I went back that the band would've packed up and the coast would be clear. Of course when I get back and pop my head over the wall though, there was Ed, talking to Mel and Kristin. I imagine they told him that I had drug them there to stalk and I was off buying binoculars or tracking devices or such. But I couldn't help being glad to see him.

We went to the front to stake our place in line, and were first in. I had an e-ticket and was given a sparkly ticket that was lovely until it was taken up 10 seconds later. We staked a place, observed the crowd build, and waited and waited. By 9:15 the show had not started yet. The Augies walked into their dressing room, and Dan Kelly shortly emerged and started his show. He is adorable. Other than a too-short shirt that showed his muffin top, and those silly ukeladies, he was really good. He played the Drunk on Election Night song that I really like, and several others that I enjoyed except for the aforementioned Ukeladies.

I had spotted Jamie during the show, and Mel and I got to meet him in between sets. He seemed to be enjoying himself at the show but not at meeting us. Oh well - I was glad to meet him. The crowd had really grown by this time, and there was jostling for the front. A chubby girl showing a lot of boob elbowed front and center, and other girls filled the front row. I think Jamie was the only male who managed to claim a spot at the front.

Then the show began. The band came out all in black, even Dan Kelly had changed clothes, except for Dave who was in a wild blue hawaiian shirt. They started with Lupus, which I have never really liked, but of course it sounded very nice live. The vocals were really low though and people were yelling for Glenn to turn them up. I have posted the set list live and will not go through it song by song, but hit the highlights when I finish the post later on.

Back to Hobart

I am sitting in the hotel lobby waiting for my host to pick me up. I am really, really nervous and will post while waiting to calm my nerves. If I break off suddenly, it is not because I have come to a traumatic part, I will just have been picked up. Arggh - he just called the front desk to get my room number and I heard the clerk say "Mr. Nettles" and I looked over - he recognized me from the day before - and I heard him say "Yes, but it is a she. Yes I am sure. 100%. Yes I am sure. 500%." I am turning red by this point. Both hotels I have been in have assumed I was a Mr. When I met Adam in the US he asked me if I was the Jamie on the group and I said no, that was a man, and he said "Why would a boy be named Jamie?" or something along that line, and so I just internalized this fact that Jami was a more common female name in Australia than male. Obviously I was wrong. This is really embarrassing. I have had this happen occasionally, and even had one guy say to my face "Uhhhhh.. I thought you were a man." I did have to laugh at that. I am even wearing lip gloss today. Mel has upped my cosmetics but has yet to show me how to use them - I need a tutorial. I am just glad she bought them before she met me instead of afterwards, because I really would have a complex then. (Oh my god, do I really look like a man? )

Back to Hobart - Saturday morning I woke up before dawn and left really, really early to make sure I was at the airport on time. Everything went smoothly and I arrived at the Hobart airport at 9:40. Kristin and Mel were coming in at 10:40 so I waited for them. I was so excited and nervous - are they going to like me? I haven't had that thought about non-work people in years because generally either I don't care or don't really like anybody else anyway. But they were first off of the plane, and unmistakeable - mainly because Mel had on the hat the Sam had knitted for her. It was surreal to see them, but then they said they had thought about pretending not to know me and that was more than a little disconcerting. They did choose otherwise, but that would have been a major, major bummer.

We took a cab to the hotel, and although it was early and other people had to wait for a room, we were given ours immediately and went up and spread our stuff out. I was thrilled to see that Mel spread her stuff out over an entire bed. I tend to expand my territory wherever I go, and it was just comforting to see someone else doing the same thing. We went to the Salamanca market and it was really nice. I knocked out a lot of souvenirs for minor friends and acquaintances and just enjoyed the tour. Mel just kept pushing us on though. I thought maybe she was embarrassed to be seen with the gawking tourists but I figured out later that she was worried that she would not have her stalking position laid out soon enough.

Day 5 - Canberra

I am in luxurious hotel in Canberra, waiting to be summoned by Dr. Zhang. We set up meeting today and tomorrow, but no specific time and it is making me quite nervous. I don't want to just show up at his office - I always like to check email first thing in the morning and I know he was out of the office yesterday - but I don't know what to do now except wait for him to respond to my email asking when he will be ready for me. I should've asked a time earlier, but I am humbled in his presence and did not want to seem like I was pressing him.

Oh, I just got email from him - he is going to pick me up. I feel soooo much better, but the summary post from the big Hobart weekend will have to wait.

I started this blog because I didn't want to yack endlessly on the forum or my regular blog.

But then I started writing a paper journal of the trip because I didn't want to yack endlessly on here.

I have been doing a lot of yacking lately. My throat was sore this morning from all of the talking I did yesterday in Hobart. Mel and Kristin are both precious individually and together are awesome travelling companions. The evening was awesome. I got great pictures and video and will post them when the upload is free or on my nickel and not Mel's.

LAX

I am in this horrid airport waiting to board the flight. I was so consumed with packing and taking care of home/work stuff that I haven't had time to get excited. Now I am nervous though.

What if the scientists think I am an idiot? Can I cope without my Treo for 15 days? Will my household survive without me? Especially Willis and Maylene (dog/rabbit)?

I still have a lot of work stuff I need to do and am worried that I will get way behind. I just can't work very well on a plane.

It is going to be worth it right? Tell me it is. I would be very sad not to go but I am wavering. Separating anxiety.

Election day

Woo hoo!!! Now I am so glad that I stayed here just to experience the election and vote in person. I am much happier to leave now and be an American.

I need to leave at noon tomorrow, and my plan was to pack until 4:00 am then sleep until noon, but I don't think I am going to make it. Hubby is asleep and he lost interest in commenting endlessly on my clothes I was trying on - "this is for meeting a scientist in his office" - "this is for a lunch meeting with other scientists" - "is this too severe? and pretend that I don't have on polka dot tights". I don't have that many clothes, so I can't figure out why I have to try on every single permutation before every trip. I think if I gain or lose a little weight, then pants get shorter or longer and I have to adjust shoes. That is my excuse. I am rather chunky at the moment, and I don't want to get far away and find out that my pants are too short.

I was distressed to find out that the weather there is no different than it is here. I lost 2 weeks of summer when I was in Uruguay in August, and I swore I would get it back. But it looks like I will not - just hold steady.

My suitcase looks MUCH bigger on the outside than on the inside. I have one suitcase of clothes, and one full of crap. I will check those, then carry on my computer backpack and my WMD quiver. (It was supposed to be a longish backpack, but turned instead into something that looks like it should carry arrows instead of knitting needles.) Still have to decide which purse to take, and if I should take running clothes.

Obama is giving his acceptance speech now :) I am very happy. I can leave now that I have taken care of that.

48 hours left

Wow, I got so little done today.  My computer cord started beeping and it was scalding hot so I ordered a new one but couldn't do anything today.  Went to the library to make sure I had copies of all of the papers I needed from the scientists I am visiting, then came home to pack.  But really didn't do a lot of that, just thought about it.  Between going to Uruguay in the summer and Australia in the fall, my clothes are all mixed in with the wrong season and disorganized.  I like to leave the house organized and clean and come back to the same, but I am afraid that is a fantasy.

Tonight hubby is not here so I can try on clothes, throw stuff around and generally make a mess packing without having to worry about anyone bothering me.

I did read the customs website further, and there is an exception for bringing in small amounts of some food without paying the high import fee.  Corn, wheat, lentils, etc., can be brought in but ONLY if they are flaked, exploded, puffed, etc.  I guess that makes sure you cannot plant them and also makes it easier to check for bugs.  So I have my masa harina, grits, and instant coffee packed :) After I bought instant I found out that I could bring roasted coffee in , just not raw, but this way I will have a fall back.  I have an immersion heater and coffee cup so I can be sure of coffee no matter where I am.  Instant is not my favorite, but in comparison with nothing, it will be spectacular.  I am going to write a couple of recipes I use often, and I bought a set of US measuring cups and spoons so I am almost set.

Have to finish crafty crap tonight, then I will go to bed on time.  Yes I will.

I am finally down to packing. I have spent more time looking for silly gifts and making obsessive crafts than I have thinking about what to wear. I am ashamed but I am bringing one whole suitcase of CRAP. Presents that are inside jokes, food that I hope I will be able to carry in under the personal import guidelines that is critical to what I plan to cook while I am there, books to read and to give away, CD booklets to get signed, other nonsense.

Unfortunately I have already read 1/3 of my airplane book, so I will have to find another one. This is called A Year of Living Biblically and it is wonderful. The author was raised nominally Jewish but with no real religious upbringing, and decides - really as a gimmick to get a book deal - to try to follow every rule in the Bible for a year. I think he ended up with 72 pages of rules. But it is very funny, and much more thoughtful that I had imagined. He is respectful to everyone he interviews or visits for his projects, even when they are loony, and comes away with a better understanding of the biblical rules vs the teachings of justice and mercy. I have the last 100 pages of Cryptonomicon to go, and I have been dragging them out and savoring them, and then all I have left are cheap thrillers.

I bought an easy knitting project - no more making humungous sweaters because I was travelling and didn't have a ruler. I can do this one in my sleep, jet lagged, or otherwise incapacitated.

Tomorrow I go to physical therapy in the morning for my last visit (totally cured anyway) then I am going to go download every journal article by the scientists I am visiting and print them out for cramming. I have read them through the years, but not all at once and I need to do this to get the big picture of what they are working on now. I cannot stand people who don't do their homework for meetings like this, and I am going to have my act together. Tuesday I tie up loose ends at work, pay bills, etc. at home, and get totally packed. Then Wednesday evening I am off. I am going to fast during the day Wednesday to reset my biorhythms, per research on jet lag. Viagra is also supposed to help jet lag (I kid you not) but I don't believe I am going to go to my doctor and ask for any of that. A friend who is a physician gave my husband some as a joke in a meds gift basket for his birthday a few years ago - the you're getting old sampler - but I immediately tossed it. Look who's sorry now.

I am wearing basic stuff for my meetings, but I cannot decide about the shows. My typical attire is so boring, and I have a dress in my closet that is calling my name. It is not a granny dress per se, but it looks like something Laura Petrie would've worn. I need to try it on, as with all this non-running I am getting chunky :( But I wear black for a reason - it doesn't show coffee spills or draw attention to itself, and I don't know if I could really wear a lavender dress without someone else similarly attired along for moral support, or several people. Maybe we all need to wear dresses in Adelaide? Look like we are going to a proper tea party. And behave like it too, of course.

I am going to bed now, but must thing that it is really afternoon and get myself psyched for the time change. Next time I am going to leave on a Monday so I can spend all weekend staying up all night and resynching myself. 72 more hours till flight leaves LA to Melbourne!!! Woohoo!!!

My trip to Australia

This blog is dedicated to my upcoming adventures in Australia. This is the outline of my trip:
Wed. Nov 5th - fly from Memphis, TN - Los Angeles, then LA to Melbourne
Friday, Nov 7th - Arrive Melbourne
Saturday, Nov 8th - Melbourne to Hobart
Sunday, Nov 9th - Hobart to Melbourne
Monday, Nov 10th - Melbourne to Canberra
Wednesday, Nov 12th - Canberra to Melbourne
Thursday, Nov 13th - Melbourne to Adelaide
Friday, Nov 14th - Adelaide to Melbourne
Monday, Nov 17th - Melbourne to Creswick
Tuesday, Nov 18th - Cropper Creek, Ballarat
Wednesday, Nov 19th - Ballarat to Melbourne
Thursday, Nov 20th - Melbourne to LA, LA to Memphis

Whew!!!
Just 3 more days left to pack and I have packed .... nothing.